Since I didn't feel like driving home Ben did and we went with his dad to a gun show in Lawrenceville. Considering that I have no interest whatsoever in guns nor in being around scary looking country folk it was boring as hell except that I saw Ian for the first time since around Thanksgiving or Christmas. He was suprised to see a Shirk at a gun show. Ben's dad went for a specific gun but while he didn't find it, still came home with some crazy expensive night vision stuff for sailing purposes.
Wish the ceilings in this house were a couple feet higher, I hate feeling closed in. When I was little I'd often think rooms were shrinking and I'd be trapped.
Wish I were back on the boat, the rocking is nice and I can still feel it.
For the most part, Friday was pretty horrible. Did get to sleep in relatively late but had to drive back to school to get the rest of my stuff and check out. I was almost to Hiawassee when it happened. Everyone was stopped and I didn't know why until I saw a duck leading her babies across the road to the lake. A guy on the other side of the road that had been stopped got in the turn lane before the ducks got there. A cop had been behind him and who must have seen why everyone was stopped. He went forward as the baby ducks began to cross his lane, looked like he was going to stop for them, but then kept going. I saw the tiny yellow ducklings flutter around in confusion as the front of the cop car passed over them, then a tire. When it had left there was just a hole in the little line and blood...
Then after packing/cleaning for 2+ hours, and missing my checkout time, Brian called to tell me he wouldn't be there to trade out the mattresses for another two hours because he was stuck in traffic on 400. Ben had called me earlier to invite me to the boat that night and I thought he was leaving for home in the morning so even if I went, I wouldn't have enough time to do anything. Susan (the RD) came up at one point pissed at me for not checking out before 6:00 and not knowing when I'd be able to leave.
On top of that, I was still in a shitty mood from the events of the previous night and still kinda mad at Ben for ignoring me. But after sitting around in Dani's room watching her play weird games- killing stick people with a cannon and such- Brian finally got there and brought me my birthday present. Yay for macro lenses! Then I went home and slept.
Maybe it's what happens when a couple has been together a long time, or because Ben's gotten used to not seeing or talking to me much, but there are little things that I'm starting to notice. Things he used to do just because he cared. Like how late last night up at the boat I walked to the bathhouse and he just got in bed and listened to music. A year ago, he would never have let me walk there in the dark alone, but now he doesn't give it a second thought. A year ago, he wouldn't have stayed at the little dinner thing they had for everyone who participated in the race when I left to go back to the boat because I was tired. He would have followed me like a puppy. Even if he did stay it would have only been for a few minutes, not over an hour during which he and everyone else went out to get food, without telling me of course, as I was a whole two hundred yards from the car. If I wanted to sit around without him I would have stayed at home. A year ago he never would have ignored me for a night because of something so small. A year ago he never would have told me he would see me then decided not to because he wanted to go to youth group. I didn't even know he was in a youth group last year. I know wanting him to value me over it is wrong but I hate feeling abandoned. A year ago, he wouldn't have tried to make me choose between being with him around people I don't like and being alone.
nothing else to say except fuck you Sideburns and jgreening